Stop overthinking ! Well I would have stopped if I could.
My thoughts are not in my control. It’s not a switch? Right!? I am sure you resonate with me here. There is nothing practical or theoretical way that can stop you from overthinking. Nothing that can calm your mind.
Honestly, If overthinking was a competition, no prize for guessing who the winner will be. No no it’s not you, it’s me! I mean I have certainly mastered the talent of overthinking.
Before I tell you why I deserve the trophy I would also like to share that I am a mother of two, who works at a corporate. I love reading and learning about psychology. And am passionate about counseling people to help them overcome their fears and come out of the muddy puddle in their head. I do it all just like any other woman. And just like any other woman I have mastered the skill of over thinking.
Am I a good parent ?
Am I really a good writer?
Shall I make a youtube video?
How are my people going to react?
What will people think if I publish articles? Will they judge me on the basis of my talent and my thought process?
Will my boss approve of the assignment ?
My in-laws are going to object if I go on a girls trip?
I should have not given them a reality check – while I clearly understand why the reality check was necessary for them.
I have mastered all levels of – what if, Am I , shall I thoughts.
Basically, my overthinking involves everything that doesn’t make sense. Yes you read it right, overthinking that has no concrete base, reason or result. I am 100% sure that you are sailing in the same boat as me. Your overthinking can be for some other reason for sure but the process will remain the same.
So, no unrealistic ways but I will walk you down through the road map of how to stop overthinking. Some learnings that I have gathered through years of going through overthinking over and over again. And how I learnt the art of controlling my thoughts. How I stopped overthinking the worst and learnt some practical ways to calm my mind.
BUT Why do we overthink ?
We can stop overthinking but we need to first understand the reasons behind it. Why do we overthink? And what leads to overthinking?
First things first, our thoughts are not reality and we totally have the power to come out of them.
Just like you, I also thought I was the only one who goes through this constant storm of overthinking. But over the years I realized, it’s not just me. My friends, colleagues, children and everyone who has confronted me, have agreed that they have been overthinking. Overthinking about a lot of things that actually did not even need any attention.
Let me give you an example, have you ever found yourself overthinking about things that have not happened yet. If yes, then that’s exactly what I call the Drama of Perception.
We perceive the worst out of the situations that have not yet happened.
Remember that one time when your loved one (family/friend ) was not picking up your call for 2 hours and you thought of the worst that could have ever happened. The deadly accident, the kidnap, the theft. This is one common example of how our brain quickly jumps to the worst scenarios and starts visualizing the fears. The drama here is created by our brain and the perception of the worst is built in our thoughts.
As aptly quoted by Mr. Kain Ramsay ( he is a famous Lifecoach) that we humans are meaning making machines.
We overthink because we love to drive meaning to anything and everything that crosses our mind. Something as simple as the stranger in the bus who is looking in the void can be concluded as a pervert glaring at strangers.
An unanswered phone call due to low battery can make us imagine the worst case scenarios.
And the ‘what will people think?” is the most common Drama of our perception. Many times we make decisions thinking about people and their reaction. Not realizing that people who live in our thought and drive our actions, are not actually thinking about us
And overthinking is mostly a perception of our thoughts.
What happens when we over think ?
Well there is no rocket science here. We overthink about a negative situation, one thought leads to another. And before we know, we have successfully imagined the worst that could have ever happened. The problem is no longer the problem then. The spiral of thoughts leads to overthinking.
To understand it better, think of your thoughts as the color grey. The color brings you no clarity. But your brain wants the conclusion in black or white .(right of wrong)
You imagined the worst case scenario and felt sad and suffocated. Now think about your favourite person. Imagine spending a holiday with them. Where you are being you, with no stress. Having the best time ever.
How do you feel ? Relaxed ? Calm? Happy ?
The key here is to understand that we humans drive meanings to our thoughts and end up feeling a certain way.
Where focus goes, energy flows
You are the only one who has control over your thoughts. Overthinking can instantly make you feel horrible and unwell. And thinking about your happy place can help you feel relaxed.
Switching from the worst case scenarios to best case scenarios is all under your control my friend.
How to stop overthink
Now we come to the most asked question. How to stop overthinking? What are some practical ways that can calm your mind? Before we deep dive, I want you to know that there is no instant magical cure. Sadly, nothing like a painkiller or something has been discovered yet. It’s not your lala world and there is no pill that can be taken to sort overthinking instantly.
Overthinking can be controlled by taking some practical actions that can calm your mind for sure.
As Suggested by Dr. Julie overthinking can be controlled by working on 3 practical ways :
1. Build awareness on when you’re doing it : You know when you are overthinking, right ? Say for example you are worried about the upcoming test or someone’s ill behavior. Both the scenarios are not under your control. The test date will come whether you want it or not and people will continue to behave ill ( unless they want to bring the change). You cannot control the situations whether you like it or not. The big step here is to know when you are overthinking. Realization my friend is very important here(unless your brain works on auto-pilot). You can’t stop overthinking unless you realize.
The moment you know you are being driven towards the trap of overthinking. Get up and take action (your body must feel the change). Start cleaning, journaling, or maybe go for a cold shower. Do anything that shifts your focus.
2. Mindfully focus on the present situation : Once you have shifted your focus. You can stop overthinking by thinking about the current situation. The situation where the boat is still sailing. Your mind will focus on the thoughts and scenarios that you feed it with.
The current situation has not yet told why the phone is not getting picked. Neither does it define people’s reaction to your actions. The worst that you are imagining has not yet happened and there are good chances of it never happening.
Mindfully focusing on the present situation can totally kill the Drama of your perception.
3. Balance the worst case scenarios with the best case scenarios.
Now this is a game changer for every overthinker. The overthinking that starts with imagining the worst case scenarios can totally be switched with the best case scenarios.
What if the phone is not getting picked because of a surprise planned for you?
What if you become a successful writer and people love your work?
Not just this, your fears can be overcome too!
Aerophobia can be dealt with by imagining the people or places you can visit post the flight.
The exam that you are dreading can go easy peasy lemon squeezy for you. I mean no one has the power to predict the future so why not imagine the best.
To feel motivated you must also read 5 ways in which Positive Affirmations can change our life
P.S. You and I are both overthinkers who are willing to take that one step ahead to stop overthinking and clearing the mind fog. If you still feel cluttered, reach out to me at aakrititheone@gmail.com
